~ January 19th ~ More Than Just a Date!

This year, I feel a strong pull to write about what January 19th once meant to me! I’m not sure why this year is different, but I’m hoping my story and words of strength will help someone else who may be struggling through a similar situation.

For those of you out there, like me, who may have a keen memory for certain dates (either birthdays, anniversaries, first started a job, wedding day, etc..), sometimes we just lock in and recall significant dates in our lives!  Well… for me one of those days was January 19, 2007!  This was the day of the sentencing hearing of my attacker! The day I mustered the courage to face him in court after 13 years of not knowing his name or who he was… THIRTEEN YEARS I lived with not knowing who the man was who violently raped me as I tried to walk home from a friend’s house.  I can still recall that moment when I received the letter asking me to write my Victim Impact Statement and notifying me of the sentencing date.  I could not believe it was real and honestly, was unsure if justice would prevail! I knew I didn’t “have to’ be at the hearing or write a Victim Impact Statement for the judge, BUT there was NO WAY I was going to sit back and not face this sick coward in court or do everything within my power to ensure he was punished to the full extent of the law!

I wrote a two-page Victim Impact Statement to the Judge in high hopes she would truly feel my pain and the horror of that night would resonate in my words and the massive effect on how it forever changed my life.  The only solution for this violent attacker was a maximum sentence!  I had no idea if my words meant anything, but HOPE (followed by action) and COURAGE kept me going!

On January 19, 2007, with my mom, dad, and sister by my side, I sat in a courtroom as he was escorted in.  The formalities were read and the Judge spoke for a bit, then it was TIME… TIME for me to stand up and walk up in front of everyone and FACE HIM to make a statement!  My heart is literally beating rapidly as I’m typing this, because I can still vividly recall the nervousness I felt through my ENTIRE body in those few seconds… But I knew I had to be BRAVER than my FEAR!  I took a deep breathe (massive really) and looked him directly in the eyes and said… “I’ve been waiting thirteen years for this day…I think you’re a sick and pathetic animal! The only sympathy I have for you is for your children because they have to live with the fact that their father is a rapist.”  Then I walked calmly back to my seat.  What happened next was life changing!!!  He had plead guilty and was found guilty of rape (with the kidnapping charge dismissed) and the Judge sentenced him to the maximum sentence of 25 years, with a minimum of 9 years. She commented on the impact this crime had on my life and hoped he served his entire sentence. I EXHALED…. Literally exhaled with relief after suffering thirteen years with no answers and no justice!! It was “over” and my attacker was going to PRISON! As I exited the courtroom, my attacker’s lawyer (a female) whispered in my ear “you’re the bravest woman I know”….

It was no easy process by any means…the sexual assault exam, the hospital, the interviews, the grand jury, testifying, court proceedings, emotional anguish, the years of not knowing and financial burden of traveling back and forth from NH to OH, BUT nothing was harder than what I had already endured by the hands of my attacker.  And that’s my message today… I hope all of those who fall victim to rape see the significance of reporting it and receive some sense of justice as I did.  My worst fear over those thirteen years, was wondering who else this man was hurting.  I will say since 2007 I have rested a little easier each night knowing he’s locked in a prison cell unable to physically hurt anyone else.

Over the years, I’ve continued to exercise my VOICE as a SURVIVOR, and I’ve written letters every five years when he’s up for parole and even testified in 2020 before a parole hearing board. Thankfully, my words were heard, and my efforts were noticed as my attacker is still in prison today, sixteen years after he was sentenced!  

The old memory of January 19th was later overshadowed by a better miracle, the birth of my youngest son on January 19, 2015! To me it was the universe giving me another gift, one that I’ll forever be grateful for!  Grateful for the strong, young woman I once was who endured so much pain but still found light + love in the world and was lucky enough to be blessed with the miracle of motherhood! 

If you think you can’t, you can, and here’s a story that hopefully inspires you to never give up and to keep walking towards the light! 

Survivor,

Christy Painchaud