Will My Survivor Voice Be Heard?
December 15, 2020
I’m not sure where to begin but I feel called to express my feelings about what’s happening in my life this week. Not just for my own healing purposes but for all the other survivors out there who need to find strength and hear this too!
“I’ll be speaking from the VOICE within my heart, I just only hope they truly listen and hear me.”
~Christy Painchaud
Over the past three years I’ve been an open book about my survivor healing journey but these past two months I’ve been quiet about what I have to face this week. This past August, I shared that my attacker was eligible for another parole board hearing, so just like I have over the past thirteen years, I wrote my letter to the Ohio Parole Board Members explaining why I feel he should stay in prison. These aren't easy letters to write, because I feel I have to say something super compelling that will keep him in prison and I’ve always doubted the impact it will have on the decision process.
Well, in October I received notice that he was deemed “suitable for release”... those are the words that I feared and never wanted to hear (but as time goes on, I knew it was inevitable someday, just not so soon). I have a right to petition for a Full Board Hearing, which I executed and it’s scheduled for this week. This is the only and last opportunity I’ll have to fight to keep my attacker in prison. The entire situation has left me really angry, hurt, disgusted and full of anxiety because I have no idea what will happen. I’m so angry that I have to continuously fight for JUSTICE of the heinous acts committed against me over 27 years ago. These past two months have felt like I've been holding my breath under water and only come up for brief breaths of air. It has taken me some time to process my position and rest my mind, so I’m able to effectively use my SURVIVOR VOICE and convincingly present a compelling statement why he should not be granted parole. It’s also completely discouraging to know it was a unanimous vote to grant him parole…. So I have an uphill battle to win, but I will not give up! I’ve learned I’m my BEST ADVOCATE, and nobody will fight for me if I don’t fight for myself first.
Friends, this sucks! There’s no other blatant way to say it! So, I’m asking for lots of strength, prayers and positivity this week as I navigate this next step along my journey. I’ve been at a pseudo peaceful place for the past thirteen years, knowing he’s been in prison and unable to hurt anyone else. It’s the only justice I will ever have from the life sentence that I have to serve! Sharing my healing journey with others has had a profound and positive impact on my life. No matter what happens this week, I know I will still have peace in my heart knowing I did everything within my power and control to keep him in prison. A wise friend recently gave me some heartfelt advice “just speak form the heart and let the universe take over!” And that’s naturally what I’ve always done, I’ll be speaking from the VOICE within my heart, I just only hope they truly listen and hear me.
Due to COVID-19, this is a video hearing and I learned the hearings were live streamed. My first thought was that I did not want to feel so exposed in that space and vulnerable for everyone to hear. But after careful thought, I decided I’d be taking a step backwards on my mission to help and empower others. I want other SURVIVORS to see my strength and hear my VOICE so they can someday find theirs too! You can tune in tomorrow, December 16th @ 9am, to listen from this link, The Ohio Channel, just scroll down to Ohio Rehabilitation and Corrections.
I hope I’m able to report a positive outcome after tomorrow. Until then, I’m keeping faith and mustering lots of emotional strength!